The Oxford English dictionary defines rapport as “A close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well”.
Rapport focuses on establishing a bond or connection and can sometimes be confused with trust. Trust relies more on establishing a reputation for reliability and consistency. The building of rapport can be found in many professions, including sales, academia, sport and therapy and is often considered one of the most important aspects of working relationships.
As we are likely to be using virtual and remote technology for the foreseeable future, we really do need to actively consider how we maintain rapport with those we know and build it with those we don’t.
Verbal v non-verbal
Albert Mehrabian became best known for his publications on the relative importance of words, tone of voice and body language when communicating feelings and attitudes. His work stated that over half of our communication is non-verbal.
In our new and virtual working world how does the lack of physical contact and lack of visual contact impact how we create workplace rapport?
The most obvious non-verbal communication is eye contact and body language, while it is still possible to see others when using technology, it is made more difficult, the more people who attend and obviously we are not seeing the whole person as a result.
Behavioral research shows that copying other people’s body language, mannerisms, and repeating their words helps build trust and establishes rapport. If auditory cues are generally what we have left, how do we make the most of them?
Vocal matching i.e. tone, inflection, rate and volume is important but difficult to achieve; for example, a man would find it difficult to match tone with a woman and vice versa. Considering the speed and volume also, the matching rate needs to be natural, subtle and not forced.
We experience the world through our senses and we usually instinctively favour a certain modality; the main ones being visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. It is useful to pick up and reflect back modality in speech as it will enhance a sense of alignment. For example, someone who is visual may say something like “I see what you mean”, alternatively someone preferring auditory might say “I hear what you’re saying”.
Mastering techniques of mirroring, matching and reflection is difficult if it is not instinctual. Failing to do this effectively may have a serious detrimental effect on the relationship if the other party believes you are mimicking them or if you appear disingenuous.
An alternative view is that more effective communication is found through utilisation. Utilisation is where you would use the background knowledge of the person to connect on their level even if you share none of their interests. This can be a much quicker and potentially less risky way to build rapport through showing understanding of the other person.
How to recognise when there is no rapport
Sometimes despite all the correct actions and attempts, the connection is not there. Indications of this may be a lack of progress or the other party not wishing to discuss matters or body language indicators such as looking into the distance. This may of course also be because of other factors and not just lack of rapport.
We are in a changing world but the basic relationship building foundations have not changed. Adaptation and agility are and will continue to be key to success now and in our evolving future.
References
Mehrabian, A. (2010). Nonverbal communication. Tyrell, M. 2009). How to build rapport with even the most difficult clients
