We often talk about motivation as if it’s something you either have or you don’t. People say, “I just can’t find the motivation,” as though it’s something magical hiding somewhere, waiting to be discovered. From a psychotherapeutic point of view, this perspective or idea can really keep people stuck.
The truth is more hopeful than that. Motivation isn’t a fixed trait. It’s not like eye colour or height. It’s something that shifts, responds, and can be influenced. You may not have full control over it, but you do have more than you might think.
One of the most useful ways to understand this comes from something called Self-Determination Theory (often shortened to SDT). Don’t let the name put you off, it’s actually very straightforward and deeply human at its core.
Three building blocks of motivation
Self-Determination Theory suggests that our motivation is strongest and most sustainable when three basic psychological needs are met:
- Autonomy – feeling like you have choice and control over what you’re doing
- Competence – feeling capable and effective
- Relatedness – feeling connected to others
When these needs are supported, motivation tends to grow naturally. When they’re blocked, motivation often drops off.
Think about a time when you felt genuinely motivated. Maybe you were learning something new, or even just getting into a good routine. Chances are, you felt at least some of these three things: perhaps you chose it in the first place, you felt great when you were improving, and it meant something either to you or to someone else.
Now think about a time when motivation was nowhere to be found. You were probably being pushed, pressured, or overwhelmed. Maybe you didn’t feel good at the task, or you felt disconnected from why it mattered.
It’s not a coincidence; endless research tells us what our mind loves and how it’s wired.
It’s not just “willpower”
A common misunderstanding is that motivation is about discipline or willpower. While those things can play a role; if you have to constantly force yourself to do something, it usually means something deeper isn’t lining up.
From a therapeutic perspective, when people say they lack motivation, it’s often a signal not a flaw.
For example: If you don’t feel in control (low autonomy), you may resist or procrastinate, if you don’t feel capable (low competence), you may avoid starting and if something feels meaningless or isolating (low relatedness), you may lose interest.
From this perspective, motivation isn’t the problem, it’s the messenger!
You can suppport your own motivation
Here’s the good part: while you can’t snap your fingers and instantly feel motivated, you can create the conditions where motivation is more likely to grow.
Autonomy
Even small choices matter; our mind loves it. If you feel forced into something, your natural reaction is to push back, sometimes without even realising it.
Try asking yourself: How can I make this feel more like my choice?
For example, instead of saying “I have to go for a run,” you might reframe it as “I’m choosing to move my body today, and a run is one option.” It sounds simple, it’s a subtle mindset shift that is powerful and can reduce resistance.
Competence
Motivation often disappears when something feels too big or too difficult. The mind does not like the feeling of failure, so it avoids the task altogether.
The solution isn’t to “try harder,” it’s to make the task FEEL smaller. Break things down into manageable steps and focus on progress, not perfection.
Feeling capable doesn’t come from doing everything perfectly or quickly. It comes from experiencing progress, even in tiny amounts.
Relatedness
We are social beings. We are biologically programmed to belong, to make meaning. If something feels pointless or disconnected, motivation struggles to take hold.
Ask yourself: Why does this matter to me? or Who benefits from this?
Sometimes the connection is practical (earning money, supporting family). Sometimes it’s personal (growth, self-respect). Either way, linking your actions to something meaningful can give motivation a boost.
When motivation still feels low
It’s important to say this: there will still be times when motivation is low, even when you’re doing everything you can. It’s part of being human.
Fatigue, stress, low mood, or life circumstances can all affect motivation. In therapy, we often explore these layers rather than looking at blame. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” a more helpful question is, “What’s going on for me right now that might be getting in the way?”
Sometimes, the most effective step isn’t to push harder, it’s to rest, reflect, or adjust expectations. We simply can’t be “on it” every minute of the day.
A different perspective
What if motivation isn’t something you need to wait or search for?
What if, instead, it’s something that grows when the conditions are right?
From this perspective, your role isn’t to chase motivation or criticise yourself when it’s missing or even feels gone for ever. Your role is to consider and gently shape the environment so that motivation has a chance to appear.
That might mean giving yourself more choice, breaking things down, or reconnecting with what matters. It might also mean recognising when you’re depleted and need care rather than pressure.
Motivation isn’t a switch that’s either on or off or something hiding for you to find. It’s more like a flame. Sometimes it burns brightly, sometimes it flickers, and sometimes it needs tending.
And the good news is, you’re not powerless in that process.
