The Power of “Good Enough”
As a mother, I’m well aware of the demands for perfection whether it’s actual or perceived. British paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, in his work “The Good Enough Parent”, argued that striving to be a perfect parent isn’t only unnecessary, it can actually hinder your child’s development. For mothers in particular, feeling caught in the trap of raising children, managing a career, and trying to maintain some sense of self, Winnicott’s message offers a powerful and compassionate reframe.
What does “good enough” really mean?
At first glance, “good enough” might sound like settling. But Winnicott didn’t mean “less than” parenting. He observed that when a mother consistently meets her baby’s needs in the early months, they develop a sense of safety and trust. Over time, however, the mother naturally, and healthily, begins to fall short in minor, age-appropriate ways. She might not respond immediately every time, or she might gently encourage the child to wait or self-soothe.
These small changes can be perceived as selfish but are essential. They teach the child to tolerate frustration, to begin navigating the world without expecting constant rescue or soothing, and to develop emotional resilience. In other words, by being good enough rather than constantly attentive, you’re helping your child grow into a capable, emotionally intelligent human being.
Why perfection can be harmful
Today’s mothers are bombarded with messages about what it means to be a “good Mum.” Perfect birthday parties, organic diets, educational play 24/7, and being emotionally available at all times, it’s no wonder burnout is epidemic. This utter fabrication leaves no room for the real and complex human behind the role and can be why so many women appear for therapy felling “lost” after having children.
Winnicott recognised that when a mother tries to shield her child from every discomfort or always put their needs above her own, she can lose herself. Worse, it can teach children to expect the world to revolve around them, creating fragility instead of adaptability.
The truth is that children benefit more from mothers who are real than from mothers who are idealised. When you show your child that you have needs too, that you get tired, you make mistakes and need space, they learn to respect others’ boundaries and develop empathy. In other words, your humanity is not a flaw in your parenting; it’s part of life learning.
Balancing it all
Many mothers today juggle parenting and career and forget there’s also their own sense of self to consider. Winnicott’s philosophy reminds us that it’s not only okay, but necessary to tend to your own needs.
Here’s how embracing “good enough” parenting can help you navigate:
Let go of the fantasy – The “perfect Mum” doesn’t exist. Holding yourself to that imaginary standard only fuels guilt and anxiety. Accept that there will be days when dinner is cereal and screen time is a survival tool. These moments don’t define you.
Have trust in ordinary – Winnicott emphasised that it’s not grand gestures, but consistent, ordinary care that matters most. That steady presence, imperfect but reliable, is what builds a secure foundation.
Model self-care and boundaries – By taking time for yourself, you’re teaching your child an important lesson: people matter, including you. This isn’t selfish; it’s essential for emotional health. It also strengthens you own self-worth as you signal to yourself that you also matter.
Repair is important – When you do mess up, what matters most is what happens next. Apologise. Connect. Repair. These moments teach your child that relationships can survive challenges and disagreements, that love is not about never failing, but about always returning.
The hidden strength
At its core, Winnicott’s message gives mothers permission to be whole people. It validates the inner conflict many women feel when pulled in multiple directions. And it reassures you that your imperfections are not signs of failure, but of real, effective parenting.
Children don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be present. They need you to be real. And they need to see that love can coexist with limits, that devotion doesn’t require self-erasure.
So the next time you feel like you’re not doing enough, remember that in showing up, in loving your children the best you can while honouring your own needs, you are not falling short. You are doing exactly what they need:
You are being a good enough parent.
Kirsty Ritchie
