We talk about toxic people at work and it’s a topic we have covered previously in the context of behaviours. We see micro-managing, aggression, perhaps alienating, isolating or even unethical conduct.
Sometimes we can blame ourselves and wonder why we attract these people into our lives.
What, therefore attracts toxic people?
The “yes person”
Our personal boundaries distinguish between what is and isn’t acceptable to us. We draw a line in the sand and don’t cross it. Our behaviours tell others what our boundaries are. When we aren’t clear or are perhaps inconsistent about our boundaries, sometimes labelled the “yes person”; someone who finds it difficult to say no, this is a clear entry point for a toxic person to take advantage, testing those boundaries and being overly persuasive. To avoid this we must reflect on where our hard line is and make sure this is mirrored in our actions; training those around us to also recognise where you can’t be taken advantage of.
Extreme loyalty
A positive trait at work and in life is to be loyal; to friends, family, colleagues and leadership. When loyalty is extreme, it is a defining characteristic, a core value and unfortunately can also be taken advantage of. The sense of being unable go against or disagree due to that loyalty. Understanding your core values will support your overall self-awareness and be able to identify when someone is using your strength of loyalty against you.
Talent
Toxic people align themselves to talent for their own benefit. They may notice talent that you yourself don’t, which is why they can seem like your ally very quickly. You may even be grateful of this in the belief they are aligned with you for your benefit. Unfortunately they are not, as frequently their jealous tendencies will also want to tear you down; everyone is expendable. Using your expertise and talent is a means to an end for them, they seek personal and public glory at any cost. Knowing your own value and avoiding the need to rely on others to build your self-esteem or confidence, will help you to avoid this deception.
