Many of us will have heard of the “Change Curve”. A theory probably made most famous by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and her work with terminally ill patients. Her stages of grief translated well into the business world when comparing to the stages of emotions we go through when experiencing significant change. The stages are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
I remember as a manager being taken through this theory many times. What I don’t remember is ever being asked to look at it from anything other than an organisational or productivity lens. It’s meant to be about how to support individuals as well surely? It’s a bit like getting flat pack furniture without the instructions. Here’s some theory, off you go and cope.
Are organisations missing the point?
We run support courses for employees facing redundancy or other major change at work. Here’s a snippet.
When we hit denial, our mind is telling us that the situation can’t be happening because we can’t immediately think of any other way for life to be. This stage gives your mind time to adjust to feelings of perhaps hurt, confusion or fear of the unknown caused by significant change. One way to move past this stage is to allow it to happen, it is a natural defence to protect you and, in many circumstances, will pass quickly. If you do feel stuck in denial, really assess what it is you fear and try to work out if they are rational or irrational fears. Sometimes venting to others is a good way to express the emotions and move past this stage.
Anger is usually born out of frustration and/or feelings of helplessness. Many seek to blame others to relieve the feelings, some look inward and some project anger generally out to the world. There are many ways to cope with angry feelings including: breathing deeply, counting to 10, removing yourself from the situation, meditation and listening to music to name a few. Ultimately though, you may need to address where the frustration is coming from. Is it being out of control or is there something else at play? If it feels like it’s controlling you, you may want to seek advice from a health specialist.
When we hit the bargaining stage, we are looking to change the situation, delay the inevitable, often fruitlessly. The good news is that you are closer to acceptance because you are trying to find other more productive ways to cope. Your mind is now coming to terms with the change.
It is perfectly natural to feel some despair. At this stage, acceptance is close. The reality of change is dawning and it’s difficult. Morale at work and quite possibly at home will be low. You may or may not be getting what you need at work.
Have you heard the story of the two wolves? There are two wolves, always fighting. One is darkness and despair, the other is light and hope, which ones wins? Answer: the one you feed. Uncertainty feeds despair. At this point thinking about yourself, your own personal priorities and asking relevant challenging questions at work is key.
Acceptance is as it sounds. It’s the point at which you realise that change is inevitable, and you can find ways to move forward. The body and mind have come to terms with the circumstances and can embrace the change.
