When you remind yourself of the history of mental illness and how society responded to it, you can better understand why Stigma exists and why so much negativity is associated with it.
Research continues to show that many believe it would harm their career if they disclosed a mental health issue, meaning they choose to stay silent or worse, feel like they need to lie about illness.
I remember during my lowest low I had to take time off to have surgery on my eyes, laser surgery. If anyone else has had the same thing then you’ll know you can be back at work within a couple of days. I was feeling so desperate that I took four days off to avoid facing the harassment I was experiencing. Now that was partly avoidance and partly because my mental health had declined significantly at that point, and I didn’t see an alternative. Even that sounds bizarre, no alternative – of course there was, but I couldn’t see it, and nobody asked me the question “are you ok?” Can you imagine I was desperate to go for surgery rather than be at work? So, I get it, I really get it.
Yet things could be so different, simply by checking in with people regularly and I mean properly checking in, not the “how are you?”, “I’m fine”, “ok then” conversation. It’s about really seeing others, leaning into that conversation and seeing past the “fine” answer. When you can have these conversations, rapport will be strong, trust will build and when they ever need to share something difficult, the relationship exists to do that.
Where do you start?
Start with congruence or genuineness. This about bringing your true self. It’s about not pretending or acting a certain way because you are at work because really, how exhausting is that? Be you, the entire person that you are, bring your real fears, your compassion, your vulnerability – be that every day no matter where you are.
So, when you are in conversations about mental health, stop for a moment and think about whether you are wearing a mask, have your guard up or being in your work persona.
Second, is something we refer to as unconditional positive regard – don’t worry too much about remembering that term – it’s about suspending your judgement of others.
We do it every day. Think about at work, how many judgements do you have about others in a day, a week? Imagine if that energy was used for something positive? I’m not saying you can’t ever have an opinion; judgement is not about being unable to have an opinion, it’s about acceptance of others regardless of what they look like, what they do or what they say.
When you feel yourself judging others – what they look like, how they got like that, what they say, how they say it. acknowledge that judgement and look to change it to acceptance. Imagine how good you can make other people feel by not having any bias towards them, by genuinely accepting all that they are.
When you live in a non-judgemental way it is much easier for everyone to have self- esteem, to accept themselves, imagine if we all had tons of self-esteem, belief in ourselves without that pressure of having to be a certain way due to the judgement of society? Imagine if we could talk about our mental health without worrying that it might harm our career?
I appreciate that may feel quite deep, we’re not talking about fundamental life changes here, just realising when judgement isn’t kind or necessary and shifting your thoughts elsewhere.
Lastly Empathy. It’s very much tied in with the point we’ve just discussed because without judgement you can really empathise with others. Many get confused between empathy, sympathy, pity and compassion. Let me show you the difference.
Pity – “that’s awful you are suffering”
Sympathy – “I’m sorry that you are suffering”
Compassion – “I want to relieve your suffering”
Empathy – “I feel your suffering”
So, empathy is really about feeling what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes. It’s not easy but trying goes a long way here. We can’t ever truly know what someone is going through, but if you empathise you can be with that person and what they are experiencing. It gives them a feeling of safety to be open and honest and most importantly it will allow them to feel heard – no matter what they disclose.
These three elements are what we call ‘core conditions’. A lot of the time we’re doing all of this without even realising it. Sometimes though, we need to bring awareness to it and make more conscious effort.
It’s about connection and relationships at the end of the day. Being connected with others is what we strive for as humans, it’s in-built. What has changed is our environment and the pressures or stress around us that make us think that the only way to fit in is to be what others expect us to be.
How easy do you think it will be for you to create these conditions at work?
