Maslow established a theory that we have sequential needs that must be met before we can “self-actualise”.
- Basic physical needs, such as air, water, rest, food, shelter and clothing
- Safety needs, such as a secure home and employment
- Love and belonging including friendships, intimacy, family and a sense of connection
- Esteem provides recognition, respect, strength of mind and freedom
- Self-actualisation is the desire to become the most we can be, to fulfil our potential
What has this got to do with relationships at work? Answer: everything
Step 3 starts from a very early age. We form groups of likeminded friends and exclude others from as young as 4. We form communities in our neighbourhoods. We play team sports, shop together, dine together and holiday together. We get married and have children. Strong relationships at work build trust and respect which can increase job satisfaction, overall capability and progression opportunities.
The difference at work is that there is a chain of command, you are not always on an equal footing as you are with personal relationships. Statistics show that people tend to leave a job due to their manager. Reasons include showing favouritism, micromanaging, being undermined or bullied, not setting clear objectives and feeling underappreciated.
Over nearly 30 years, I’ve had varied experiences with managers; 17 to be exact – not including the bakers I worked in at 14! I’ve had those who I had the utmost respect for but hated as a boss. I’ve also had those who encouraged me constantly, could see my potential and challenged me to be better. Nothing prepared me for what happened when I challenged my last manager.
I was told at the interview that it was ‘fate’ to land this role, that I would have autonomy, that I would be in a specialist role with a direct line into the CFO. Something niggled me and I wasn’t sure what.
My ability was stifled by managers who wanted what they wanted; no other opinion was relevant; it wasn’t just mine. I wasn’t given the promised autonomy or freedom to manage anything. When I challenged what my role had become, I was hit by a total disregard for my concern and utter lack of accountability; 17 managers and I had never experienced this. That wasn’t all. I started being undermined in front of my peers, belittled in meetings, and deliberately excluded from some. I was told that I should just go and look for another job.
To cut a very long story short. I realised that not all managers care about you as a person and want what’s best for you. Their own agenda becomes the primary focus. It’s not your fault. It’s not personal it’s business. Something that’s wrong in so many organisations. An organisation will prosper when its leadership respects every individual, when they motivate and inspire them to do and be better.
Today, there just isn’t room for managers who care only about their own agenda. We will always stand up to those who seek to stop us from fulfilling our potential because it goes against our primal instinct to achieve self-actualisation.
