I shared an article some time ago which suggested emotional intelligence is now in the top 10 of skills needed to “thrive in the 4th Industrial revolution”.
So, what is emotional intelligence? It’s obviously about emotions, but what do we need to be intelligent about?
Firstly, we need to recognise our emotions, our feelings. Not only to be able to name to the emotion but understand why it exists, that’s not always as easy as it sounds. It’s also about using that knowledge to respond appropriately to situations rather than reacting and most importantly managing emotions and adapting to environment to achieve your goals.
What does that look like in practice?
SELF-AWARENESS
Being aware of your own feelings is key. Sometimes we react to something not because of the situation itself but because something else is bothering us. Displacement is where feelings about something else entirely are directed at a situation. An example is if you’ve had a row at home and not resolved it, it would be easy to transfer any frustration to a work situation. Projection is another common one, where feelings about yourself or your own situation are projected onto someone else. For example, perhaps you accuse someone of not pulling their weight because you feel guilt about not working late yourself. Being aware of what makes you angry or frustrated can help you to manage it.
SELF-MANAGEMENT
Anger or frustration is completely natural. It’s okay to feel anger but learning to direct that anger in such a way that eliminates panic, or a ‘huff’ can be a real asset. In a crisis, people look to the leader for reassurance; if the leader is calm, they can be too. Instead of blowing up at people, let them know what’s wrong and what the solution is. If you need a 10-minute walk round the block first to be able to do that, then so be it.
EMPATHY
Empathy is about putting yourself in others’ shoes, not as you would feel it but how they would feel it. Understanding other perspectives is key to emotional intelligence, because when you understand other perspectives, you can put things in ways colleagues comprehend and then welcome their questions. Empathy, along with reading another person’s feelings accurately, makes for effective communication. That key phrase “you’re not explaining it properly” never works, try “I’m not quite understanding you”. Pay full attention without distraction and take time to really understand what they’re saying without interrupting, hijacking the conversation or talking over them.
