When we are stressed our conscious mind checks with our sub conscious, we like to think of it as our filing cabinet. Our concious mind check the filing cabinet for any experience that soothes or reduces stress.
What happens can often be out of our control.
Sometimes our behaviour is automatic, like the fight or flight mechanism. Our sub-conscious mind tries to protect us by telling our conscious mind what has worked in the past. Sometimes our protective measures come from our past or it may be they are learned from our parents. There are many different types of behaviour and not all are good for us.
Part of recognising stress may be to recognise when you are behaving in what we call a self-defeating way. Self-defeating behaviours are acts in response to circumstances or emotions which are to our detriment. You may recognise some of these.
Humour
I’m sure we have all tried to lighten a situation with humour. In many cases it works, however in cases of extreme stress using humour to ‘escape’ doesn’t change the situation it only masks the effect.
Defensiveness
When we come up against situations we don’t like or perhaps criticism we don’t like we become defensive. This is a completely natural coping mechanism, however becoming aware of it might allow us to challenge our own behaviour. Are there things about ourselves we don’t like and therefore being defensive allows us to ignore it?
Denial
Another very common response to discomfort or difficulty is denial. Denying something is a way to easily avoid facing the discomfort or pain, however it doesn’t make it go away. Our body and mind are programmed to store it so it will come out, which can lead to anger.
Anger
Getting angry at someone else is another way to avoid facing pain or discomfort. It can tend to mean we are displacing or projecting our own suffering onto another; in other words, it is linked to the denial of a situation or feeling.
Substance use/misuse
There are many substances that can be used to cope with stress. The most common are alcohol, food, drugs and smoking. Excessive use is subjective, what is excess to one may not be to another, however one thing is true, excessive use of any substance is not good for our mind or body. Again, it is simply masking the issue.
Compulsive or ritual behaviour
Conditions such as OCD can consist of the need for an individual to constantly repeat certain actions. This is the extreme end of self-defeating behaviour where the sub conscious “knows” that certain behaviour works to calm the stress, however what also happens is it keeps the individual in a hypervigilant state and ultimately causes more stress or anxiety as a result.
In many circumstances it’s only later in life we realise that it is self-defeating behaviour and not productive, but by then they have become ingrained. HOWEVER, it doesn’t have to stay that way; recognising the behaviour is critical. You can reprogram your sub conscious to learn new ways of coping with stress, anxiety or any painful or uncomfortable situation.
