I wrote a blog once about anxiety being a bully. I was wrong. It feels like it sometimes but actually anxiety is your friend, what we need to learn to do is listen to our friend and be prepared to sometimes say thanks but no thanks.
Anxiety is maintained when we believe every alert in our brain is actual danger. Our amygdala (or Bob as I call it) doesn’t know the difference between real danger and perceived danger. Bob will send up a flare at the slightest hint of a worry.
It is up to us to respond to the alert in the most appropriate way. Sometimes we need to tell Bob, “thanks, but you’re not needed in this instance” and other times it will be “thanks Bob I needed that warning”.
There are some key processes which can cause and potentially maintain anxiety. Can you recognise any of these in your life?
Disruption to our lives caused by external or internal factors.
External factors can be threats which make us feel out of control, such as loss of employment or could be uncertainties about life decisions such as divorce. Other external factors could be excessive demands placed by work or family or even more subtle events such as realising important goals are unattainable.
Internal sources could be a lack of understanding about anxiety itself and a belief the problem lies elsewhere. A lack of problem-solving skills is an important consideration. Another internal issue may be a lack of interpersonal skills such as dealing with social interaction or lack of assertion. Having rigid assumptions about yourself or others means that situations are judged in an absolute manner so others can never match up to those assumptions. Unresolved trauma can also be an important aspect of internal disorganisation.
Short- and long-term vicious cycles
Short-term vicious cycles are created by responses to threat which compound and reinforce the belief of threat, hence creating a cycle. Constantly looking for evidence that ‘confirms’ worst fears will escalate and perpetuate the problem.
Long-term vicious cycles include the effect of anxiety problems. Avoidance of social, work, or other leisure activities perhaps resulting in unhappiness, leading to use of alcohol or other substances to cope.
Failure to confront
A client advised me after confronting a long-standing fear “it was a bit of an anti-climax”. The client realised that the fear of fear was worse than the actual issue. That’s not to say that we should all go out and face our fears head on as to do so may cause irrevocable harm. Confrontation must be appropriate, timely and supported by a trained professional.
Lack of awareness
Sometimes all that is needed to help someone with anxiety is education. The physical symptoms of anxiety can be extremely frightening. Occasionally helping a client manage the physical symptoms and explaining the reason for them can be enough to combat the issue.
Focus on the self
Having a mental health difficulty can be all consuming especially with anxiety as there tends to be distressing physical symptoms. A large proportion of life may be taken up with fear and attention to bodily sensations. The more anxious the person becomes, the narrower the focus is on the self which instigates hypervigilance and inadvertent seeking out of threats, which creates the short term cycles described above.
Absence of satisfying alternatives
A life organised around avoidance of threat is at least organised. Avoidance can be sustained tolerably if other life satisfactions are consistent with it. For example, a fear of flying could be maintained by travelling by train, boats etc and never facing up to or confronting the fear.
Instrumental factors
It’s fair to say that sometimes our loved ones can maintain the anxiety by condoning avoidant actions (such as the flying example). A more subtle way is that the individual themselves maintain the anxiety because it receives sympathy and attention which would otherwise be lacking.
Anxiety in the form of General Anxiety Disorder or GAD is thought to affect 3% of the UK population, however it is also thought that 1 in 10 of us will suffer from anxiety at some point in our lives. It is also believed that there are many individuals living with anxiety without seeking treatment or recognising the condition.
First of all, try making friends with Bob. Recognise when Bob is right or wrong about the alert and really ground yourself in the reality of the situation.
If you are finding this impossible then seeing your GP should be a priority. Counselling can help you to retrain Bob so that your response becomes appropriate and adequate for each situation.
references from: Counselling for anxiety problems, (c) Richard Hallam 1992
